Do you love your wife, but she seems cool and stand off-ish. I'll tell you a secret. She's as frustrated as you are. It's a fact that sex in a long term relationship lasts about 5 minutes on average. Maybe less if you have kids. That's depressing! But here's the good news. You can change that in YOUR life. Are you ready for the tip that could revolutionize your sex life forever?
Your wife is a diesel engine and you run on gas. (I heard you snicker, that's not what I meant.)
Some of you may not be mechanics but I'll explain.
For a guy, it doesn't matter how "cold" it is in his world, if you turn him on, in five minutes he's rev-ed up and ready to go.
Diesels don't work like that. If it's cold out it might not start at all. If it starts, it rattles and grumbles and takes forever to warm up, but boy, does it go once it gets warm! You never jump in a diesel and turn the key, NEVER! The glow plugs have to warm things up just to get started. And you never drive a diesel cold. It's sluggish, doesn't respond well and performance is mediocre at best. But who's fault is it the driver's or the the engine's?
There's nothing wrong with gas engines. There's nothing wrong with diesels. They are just different. If you treat an engine according to what it is and not by how you think it should be, you will have better results. Is this starting to make sense to you guys?
A diesel's response time is much better when she's been plugged in. Have you "plugged" in to you wife lately? Husbands, you set the tone of the evening the minute you walk in the door. You wife is just as tired as you are, both mentally and physically. But she still has four hours (or more) to go, as you plomp down in your chair.
If your boss came into your office, rattled off a to-do list for you, then proceeded to sit down in your chair, put his feet up on your desk, and tell you how you are doing the tasks wrong, how would you feel? Bitter, angry, resentful? If this happened day after day, wouldn't you either become resigned and uncaring about the criticism or become so angry that you'd feel like quitting? Are you beginning to see where this is going? Does it shed some light on some of the anger or pain that you see in your house?
So, let's play out a typical evening in everyday USA. You walk in the house, past the garbage that stinks (making sure to mention the smell), past a wife up to her elbows in supper and dishsoap. You complain because supper's not ready, walk past the frig to sit down (then ask if she could bring you a drink), Then kick off you shoes into the middle of the floor and growl at the kids because their toys are all over the floor (next to your shoes).
In your first five minutes home, you have set up an evening of stress, tension and anger. Now, is it any wonder that you aren't getting the response you want at bed time? Really.
Now, let me replay the same five minutes, showing you how to plug your wife in for the evening.
1. You walk in the door, hang up your coat, kiss your wife on the side of her neck and gently touch her hip.
Whisper in her ear that you missed her or your glad to see her.
2. Find ONE nice thing to say about her, personally, that you can complement her on. Women are so use to doing all day long. It's so nice to have our husband notice that you curled your hair or put perfume on today. To be noticed as a person is so nice. "Those jeans look nice" or "Your hair is so shiny" whatever works! If it's one of those days when she looks like a banshee in a bathrobe, tell her she has beautiful eyes.
3. Take out the garbage without being asked (or commenting on how full it is) and put a bag in it when you are done. Or empty the dishwasher. Do one small job so she doesn't have to. It takes five minutes, but the investments worth it . Trust me) N
4. Put your shoes away and your clothes in the hamper and get your own drink.
5. Now, make one positive comment about the house:" Thanks for washing the car," " supper smells good" The counters look nice"
6. Pat her bottom or rub her shoulders then go plop into your chair.
That wasn't so hard. It took 10 minutes of your evening to plug her in. Now keep up the momentum. She's plugged in and warming up. At supper, offer to cut up the kids' food or wash the kids or set the table. After supper, load the dishwasher while she washes the pots.
Now you have done three things on her to do list, and built her up on the way. She has time to sit with you on the couch or take a shower before bed or time to read or time to get the kids in bed on time.
She has a minute to breathe, and you gave that to her. That's one of the best gifts my husband gives me is time and energy. Because these are things I'm running short of by 6 pm. When he does this stuff it refreshes me. I want to go to bed early, and sleeping is not what's on my mind. No matter how cold and hectic and frazzling my day has been, if he walks in with a kiss and a kind word it starts to warm me up. It makes our home a safe place to be. Not one more job and one mask to wear. When he walks in and does this stuff, I'm thinking about the snuzzle on my neck while I'm working on supper, not the fact that he's watching TV, while I slave away in the kitchen.
I'm sure it's not enlightened of me but that doesn't matter. It is what it is. My husband's actions affect my moods and my thoughts. Most every woman I know feels the same.
His helping me even a little warms me a lot. At first, you might meet with some skepticism. If she's not used to this kind of behavior from you. She'll probably keep her walls up awhile, to see how long this lasts. Hold steady. When she sees that this is a pattern change for you, you will see a big difference in you home life and your love life.
Article By: Enid Neel