Saturday, February 28, 2009
2. Not all loving touch needs to lead to intercourse. Our wives need to know that there are times when we are holding them because we love them and not because we are looking forward to our own pleasure.
3. If she is trying to improve herself, take note and encourage her, but make sure you don't suggest that you'll love her more after she improves herself.
4. If you are going out, offer to run errands for her while you are out. If she is going out, ask if there are things you can do around the house while she is gone.
5. Encourage her time with other women, who understand what it means to be a woman, and can affirm her femininity in ways that only women can.
6. Let the things that matter to her matter to you. If she roots for a particular team, root with her. If she does cross-stitch, pick out designs that you'd like to see, and maybe even ask her to teach you how.
7. Let pleasing her be enough to please you. Do things pleasing to her because you love her and not just so she'll return the favor.
8. When she has a problem, realize that she may not be asking you to solve the problem but just to listen and let her know she's not facing it alone.
9. When she's troubled by something, even if you think it's nothing, remember that it is real to her and be supportive.
10. Give small gifts even when it's not her birthday. When you go to the store, pick up a rose. If she likes crafts, pick up some thread. It doesn't need to be big, but it says she was in your thoughts while you were apart.
Step 1. Love: First let’s preface this ‘How To’ with an understanding of Love. There is Love, the emotion, and there is Love, the action. “He who loves his wife loves himself”. This is the emotion. Most do not have to choose to love themselves, rather they have just grown quite attached to themselves and sincerely do not wish to do harm to themselves. In fact, they would do anything to avoid it. When Paul writes to love your wife in this way, he means that in every situation you should desire that no harm befall your wife.
Step 2. Here is the action, the command. “Love your wives”; give yourself up for her. The command to love means to do love. What would make others see love in what you do, that would make your wife feel love, is how you do love. In simplest form, bring her flowers and tell her, “I love you." That’s just a start though. You are also commanded to give yourself up for her. The obvious implication is that you should be willing to die for her. This is actually common. What is more difficult than dying? Give your life for her. In all you do, do it with the interests of your wife in mind.
Step 3. Forgiveness and Radiance: Have a heart for your wife. This again is the emotion of love. “Make her holy, cleansing her”. “Present her…without stain or wrinkle”. When your wife is in need of it, cleanse her; forgive her, when she acts against you. For example, you ask your wife to get you steak at the store and you get mad because she says that you eat too much red meat. Forgive and forget. Don’t allow yourself to harbor any bitterness and you will feel the love for your wife.
Step 4. The Head: Many people read this section first and stop. “Wives submit to your husbands” . And then they stop there. There is a whole other study for the wives. The implication in this passage is that if the man truly loves his wife (that’s the action and the emotion), the wife will gladly submit to the man.
Step 5. Application:
1) Don’t harbor bitterness and you will be happier.
2) Consider your wife’s best interests throughout the day and your wife will be happier.
3) A happy wife really is a happy husband.
Creditted to Anthony Delgado.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The husband is to be a prophet, priest and king to his wife. The husband is the leader and head of the household. As the leader and the head, men are called to have vision and to provide direction. Why is the man called to be the head? On the head, lie the eyes. The purpose of the eyes is to see far and near, to see ahead with vision. When God created the world, He created the man first and God gave man the responsibility of work to look after the garden and the animals. God left man with the accountability and command not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil before God created woman.
However, since sin entered the world through Adam, men began to fall away from God. Today, men are so busy working. They do not have time to pray. They do not have time to serve in the church. They do not have time to read the bible. They do not have time to provide spiritual food to their wives and children. How then is the man going to fulfil his role as the priest and king to his wife?
As the priest, the role is to lead the people of God into the presence of God. As the priest to your wife, your responsibility is to provide spiritual food and guidance to your wife, and to lead her into the spiritual presence of God.
A king always carries himself with dignity and authority. He is supposed to lead like the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit leads God's people. He does not drive or push the people to meet God's goals. The king rules the kingdom wisely and reigns among his people.
2. To love his wife.
A wise and loving king will put his kingdom and people first before himself. Similarly, as the husband, you are to lead your wife and family but not by force or by thumbing your wife down. A wise and loving husband will govern his household wisely and reigns. His family will respect him and obey him as he puts his wife and family first before himself. A husband must love his wife, be willing to give of yourself and lay down your life for your wife.
Every time we backslide or sin, we grieve God. But He never gives up on us. He saddles us with His love and lovingly holds us in His arms. God remains faithful even if we are unfaithful. In every way, the husband is to be like Jesus who loves the church and gave of Himself for our salvation. In the same way, the husband is to love his wife and give of himself to her.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Do you listen to what your wife is saying? You listen to your boss when he is rambling on, don’t you? You listen to your naïve buddies tell you all kinds of things that don’t really matter in life, don’t you? Well then, why aren’t you listening to your wife? Start really hearing what she has to say and be supportive of her feelings and opinions. That means, opening up your ears and being perceptive to your wife’s needs.
Appreciate Your Wife
When was the last time you told your wife how much you really appreciate her and all the things she does? A woman puts out a lot more energy into the home and family affairs than the husband does. Sometimes she may feel as if she is the only one doing anything around the house and this is when she starts getting bossy and naggy with you.
I encourage you husband’s to start appreciating your wife for all that she does for you and the family. Marriage can be such a beautiful relationship when you show your love with wisdom. Stop just for a moment, and mediate on the beautiful woman you married. Be thankful that God gave her to you. Realize how blessed you are to have this woman as your wife and know that she is your right arm and sometimes your left arm too. Make your wife feel good about who she is and all that she does.
Please Your Wife Sexually
There is a difference between having sex and making love. Sex is a one sided selfish act that is mostly enjoyed by the husband. Women need a bit more pampering and nurturing in the bedroom. I mean, what does a woman get out of five minutes of copulation? Okay, so it takes a little bit more time to please your wife and you’re tired, so make love in the afternoon or early morning. You do have options. Love your wife with wisdom and start pleasing the woman you married.
Be More Helpful
Be more helpful by “asking” your wife if there is anything she needs you to do around the house, in the kitchen, or in the yard. For instance, she isn’t the only one who eats dinner you know. Maybe she would like some help chopping up vegetables, setting the table, or loading the dishwasher. She probably has mowed your yard for you, so give back in return and do some extra things for her around the house. She will be pleased that you did.
Be the Man of the House
Be her man and she’ll want to be your woman. Did you know that your wife becomes bossy and domineering because you are not listening to her? She feels unloved and unneeded by you when you take her for granted instead of appreciating all that she does for you and the family? A woman needs to be valued by her husband. This gives her more love to give to you.
If you want a humble and kind wife then don’t behave as if you are better than her. Share your feelings with your wife and get close with her. Don’t be afraid to let down your guard once in awhile. If you have emotions that are not getting met, talk to your wife about it. A wife wants to be there for her husband but if you don’t let your wife in, how can she help?
If you want a feminine, humble and kind wife, then don’t try and control her to be what you want her to be. She needs to be her own person. What you can do though, is control yourself to behave a certain way that makes your wife want to submit to your loving influence. Be a good example and she will want to surrender her love to that example. Love your wife with wisdom.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Women find their meaning in relationships and relating to others. That includes feelings of love, joy, being connected, and celebrating life. As a husband, you can learn much from your wife about a strong, loving connection.
A fine dinner and night on the town are wonderful ways to connect with your wife. But a romantic love letter -- ah, a personal love letter to your spouse is something that is kept and treasured. A life coach once told me that she worked as a chaplain with retired, rich people in their eighties who needed to move into a retirement community. They had to sell their large homes, sell or give away most of their material goods to move into a small one-room apartment. Guess what things they kept? Photos and letters. Personal memories of the best times that life had to offer. Precious treasures that money can not buy.
Encouraging words carry tremendous, positive energy that continues to touch the hearts and minds of people decades after they are said or written. It's been said a handwritten love letter carries its own power because it is personal -- written by the hand of one person who loves another.
So, if you desire to build an even stronger married relationship with your wife, tell her exactly what she is longing to her, that she is your best friend. Do you want to know how to write a love letter that will bring a smile to her lips, a tear to her eye and a prayer of gratitude that she is married to you?
Start with a notepad and jot down a few ideas of what your wife means to you. Does she have a sense of humor or a smile that knocks your socks off? How is she beautiful? How does it feel to you when she touches you and you touch her? How do you feel when she does all of those little things that save you time and aggravation? How do you feel when you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning seeing her next to you, day after day, month after month, year after year?
Once you have those thoughts on paper, let them sit for a few hours or a day. Then, go back and circle or highlight the phrases and sentences that mean the most to you. If you feel a tug at your heart strings, or a tear forms in your eye, that is truth ringing through. Next, get a nice greeting card or sheet of stationery and write out your love letter. Here is an example.
My dearest Mary, You are my best friend. Every day when I wake up, I look over and see you sleeping securely and safely next to me. I am grateful for your (here is where you list the phrases from your notepad - smile, generous spirit, thoughtfulness to me and the children, etc.) I am so glad I married you. Today and always. Love, (your name.) Let your wife know how much you treasure her.
Let you and your wife keep living in a happy marriage...Descripe 101% your meaningfull love to her...Yor wife@your best friend.
Friday, February 20, 2009
When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think "romance." She may be in a great deal of physical pain or also suffer from side effects of the illness or medications, such as weight gain or loss, a "puffy prednisone," or even feeling sick to her stomach. She may also be dealing with the loss of her career and dealing with grief.
Be assured that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA live with a chronic illness and so many marriages are impacted. Unfortunately, nearly seventy-five percent of them end in divorce when an illness is that "third party" in the marriage.
Is it possible for you to make a difference and let her know you want to romance her? Of course! With a few simple ideas, you can get the spark back into your marriage.
Go ahead and buy her that box of chocolate, but if she is watching her weight, don't ruin her diet. Instead find some Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate at your local Target or even the pharmacy. Chocolate, along with coconut, pecans, and many more, all contain phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love." Good place to start, don't you think?
Be affectionate by simply reaching for her hand. Yes, I know you're hoping for more than holding hands, but if she's in physical pain it's going to take some real romance on your part to distract her from pain and get her refocused on you. Rub her back (gently!), cuddle, snuggle and don't pressure her for more. Pretty soon she'll be reaching out to you.
Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health."
Pamper her by purchasing her something that she wouldn't splurge on for herself. Let her know you are listening to her by purchasing a CD that she says has one of her favorite news songs on it. Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well.
Schedule a retreat for her at home. Find care for the kids, bring home dinner, and don't say anything when you come home at 6 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Being romantic at home isn't hard. Purchase a fondue pot and tell her that you will bring home something to dip every Wednesday night so you two can sit and have a conversation over candlelight (and cheese, chocolate, marshmallow, etc.)
Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for "romantic conversation starters."
Don't forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. As silly as it sounds, candles, roses, and a great play list on your ipod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.
It's no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. "What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?"
The good news is that perfection is not a requirement. Just by making the effort to increase the romance in the relationship will score you some big points. And she may not let you even have a chance to finish reading that book on romancing your wife, because if she sees you reading it, your willingness to read it may be all the romance she needs. One last piece of advice, doing the dishes or the laundry really can be the best way to your wife's heart. This is all the answer, How to love my wife.